yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
