I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
