we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wear drunk well.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
