dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
