Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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