4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize