threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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