Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize