Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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