he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it was like eating out sand paper
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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