its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
