i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
