I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
