Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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