So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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