we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
