when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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