just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
