No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
