the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
