My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
