peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
