please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
