East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
