Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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