so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
