he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
