somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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