I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
