stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
