i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
