You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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