My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
