why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
be right there i have to get my cape
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
