I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
