My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
