I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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