I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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