Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
