I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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