Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
