She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize