I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
