Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
