I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
