If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
