you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
