so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
