I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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