My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
