Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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