Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
