Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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