he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
