like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
