Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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