Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
