yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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