U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
