i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize