Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
