I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
