i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
