I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
